11 december 2025

i filed my taxes. finally. which wasnt nearly as bad as i always make it out to be in my head.
maybe i should just accept that i have a neurodivergent brain and find a way to actually get things like this done without dragging them out for weeks before commiting to them. which ends up happening like 90% of the time for me.

im going to take my laptop to hopefully get fixed in a bit because its falling apart in multiple ways, the battery isnt charging anymore, the hinge cover fell off, the bevel popped loose and the hinge on the right side just straight up popped out of the bevel. its pretty dire.

if i end up not being able to fix it i might just buy a new one idk, a really cheap laptop probably, dont feel like wasting too much money on one this time.

oh i still need to get a bunch of christmas presents for friends and family. im probably getting some skincare stuff for my mom, i know she always appreciates that.
not sure what to get for my roommate tho, i wanted to get a raven skull print shirt from shop.morningwith but i dont think it will arrive on time plus i dont want to gamble on import fees, theyre always through the roof.

maybe ill DIY them a bag or a shirt raven skulls, use bleach to paint it or smth.

or maybe i should get them a good knife, lesbians love knives (i think)

i also think i might have feelings for a friend. kinda? idk. i feel like im out of touch when it comes to feeling and expressing romantic feelings but i do like them.
im leaving that can of worms for another time tho.

13 november 2025

Ive been on the couch all day so to get away from the couch-rot-despair im typing up another post.

Ive been struggling with procrastination more lately, which isn't a new thing by any means, but it has been getting worse which tends to come with the rise of seasonal depression. I tend to couch rot a lot when the weather sucks total ass and just have more days where the only thing i manage to do is maintain my basic body functions like eating, shitting, sleeping and basic hygiene.

I feel bad because a lot of aspects of my life suffer under rule of this couch-rot version of me, i barely feel the need to text people at all so my social life takes a dunk. i feel a lot less energised in general because i only go out when i have to and im now also unemployed with no direction to my days.

that last one is causing me a bunch of stress since i basically have no plan for what to do now. i graduated from a concept art course last year which im really glad i did but with my follow up course falling through i had no plan B at all and now im a ship lost at sea.
I still don't know if theres a chance i might go back for the same course next year if they start it up again but the point stands that 2025-2026 is a empty year in my academic calendar.

Im going to try to get a part time job and start my side hustle up again next spring just so i have something to do that puts bread on my table, after that im still not sure what im going to do.
i feel like at this point most people my age bagged a bachelors or masters degree or have steady jobs and despite having achieved some significant feats i still feel like im floundering, trying to catch up to other peoples achievements.

I know most people don't have their life together at 25 but every day im deepening the ass-indent on my couch is a day that i lost that i havent been 'productive' or worked on realising my dreams.
which is causing me a lot of stress now that i think about it.

This all sounds rather depressing but im just going through my thought cycle that i usually bring to my psychologist, my last appointment got cancelled and the change in routine is throwing me pretty bad so im trying to metabolise my own doomthinking cycle and self-helping my way through it until i can go back in december. (yay!) Im trying to write a lot of my thoughts down whenever i have enough energy to and it does help. i still have to find a way to keep myself accountable with the whole procrastinating thing in case it gets worse.

im also going to try this new thing where i just make a big large humongous list of every single notable thing i have to do or catch up with and just try to focus on one thing per day. and break the to-do down into smaller points to make tasks more manageable. im not sure how well this is going to work but i'll try to update on how thats going here later.

25 october 2025

yo, this is going to be another small entry.
the only time i find myself able to write a diary entry lately is when im super tired.

Got some good news earlier this week that my therapist is finally willing to book me an appointment with endo, which means i might get to start hormone replacement therapy soon!
well...soon being start of next year maybe? it sounds long when i say it like that but it'll be there fast. man im really excited for this :]

On a less positive note i feel my seasonal depression settling in, i have a lot less energy on a day to day basis to do things which is a bummer.

also this coming monday im starting a new job, its nothing fancy but im glad i can have something steady to pay my bills off again. im curious how it will go

in the meantime ive been doing drawtober, which has been a lot of fun!
i'm doing it together with my housemate, its nice to show each other our takes on the prompts and keep each other accountable.
We're also planning on bundling our finished pieces to produce a collab drawtober zine.

i've been a bit behind on the last two prompts but heres what i got so far!

aaand thats all i have energy for tonight. i have like a zillion other life updates, ill get to them some other time.

5 september 2025

working on a commission i wanted to finish a while ago. i like how its turning out so far, very fairytale blorbos in love vibes.

decided super last minute to join my housemate to the cosplay festival at the japanese gardens, i still have to brush out my wig and decide what im going to wear. makes me want to invest in a cosplay again.
i would really like to do nahida, she seems like afun character to cosplay.

im wondering who ill run into tomorrow.

we went to ikea this morning and i was super happy they had pet pillows exactly like the ones we were about to throw out bcs they were so old n dusty.
we'll be bringing the cats home the day after tomorrow. im so excited to have them with me again. i think sam will really like the huge scratching post we have :)

its the end of august and everyone is moving in the uni quarters in Gent, theres people hauling fridges, desk chairs, matresses, decorative plants and whatever other start of the schoolyear essentials there are.

i just got back from my monthly psychologist appointment at the university hospital.
we broke small ground on some topics, went over some others again.
my psychologist put my case forward to the gender team, they denied my request to start hormone therapy.
well, they postponed it but it came across as a refusal. i think i held it together well.

she explained nicely to me that its about damage control. because people who know themselves have a better transitioning experience. and i nodded nicely because i understand that.

i already contacted my old psychologist about restarting appointments with her again because thats a non negotiable for them, for starting HRT.

good news is that i might be able to move my cats in with us sooner than expected.

21 august 2025

i have to start planning my trip to marrakech at some
point so nows a good time.
mainly wanna scout for some plant based places to eat and maybe some local shops.

we're probably going to spend a whole day at the souks (i honestly just want to get some fun stuff to decorate the house and a bunch of spices and stuff would be nice) and we might plan a day trip into the mountains.

gonna just drop a bunch of links to places that seem worthwhile here

oh also i realised all these places are advertising in french so im going to have to brush up on that before we go aughg

✦. ──────── .✦

some concept store ──── .✦
(its called 'some' yall im not being ignorant!!1)

kui zin ──── .✦
a food spot i wanna visit if its not too far! this one looks rlly nice!

Cafe des epices ──── .✦
another food spot in medina.
they serve authentic morrocan breakfast n stuff. yum.

simple ──── .✦
a restaurant with plant based food options! huzzah!

nomad ──── .✦
restuarant with plant based food options, moderm moroccan cuisine

world storytelling cafe ──── .✦
a vegan cafe in the medina!! wwaaa!
ok this one looks so fun, apparently they have like a storytelling festival in january?

le jardin ──── .✦
this looks like a slightly fancier place but god the menu is making my mouth water... must go hrngg

broc the kasbah ──── .✦
veggie/vegan place with a concept store next to it! fun!

al nashama ──── .✦
jordanian food!

henna art cafe ──── .✦
this looks like such a fun activity.

20 august 2025

baked cookies and started a new dnd character design for a one shot my housemate invited me to next week.
wanted to make something original so after some brainstorming i ended up with a pygmy giff lion dancer bard lol

cw for character nudity but heres a wip of the design so far.
i shouldve probably done more iterations beforehand but i get hella impatient when designing characters for myself idk.

i still have to get back to commissions and working on some merch projects for future cons.

18 august 2025

Its been a while since i last had diary entries here but i want to make a semi regular habit of it again at least.

its been a suuuper busy summer so far, last week i moved in with my roommate, whom ill probably refer to as R here for convenience and anonimity's sake
and its been really nice so far!

Until now (from since i was 15) i've always lived either by myself in dorms and small apartments and for a short while in 2021 i also moved in with my mom for a few years in a slightly bigger apartment. which was nice to share costs and have company but i havent always enjoyed being around her 24/7.

So living with someone else is a nice change of pace

its for a relatively period tho so i cant help keeping in the back of my mind where im going to go and what im going to do once this term ends, which feels slightly depressing since our contract hasnt even properly started yet but im already thinking of whats after this but it feels like the responsible thing to do (to keep in mind at least. for my own sake.)
even though i know thats theres probably a 100 things that could still change in the years we spend living together

Im also excited at the prospect of moving my cats in with us in fall.
it's going to be a scare for them to move from the place theyre used to but ive really missed them this year and i think the extra space will do them good.

Im also moving to a new course in september,
last june i finished my 1yr concept art course which has been so much fun.
i met a ton of lovely friends there and its been the only course ive been able to find that has actually been worthwhile.
im only sad i didnt know about it sooner

all in all id say that its given me the determination to really work on getting into the art industry.
So this year im taking a follow up year to master 3D art to have a wider skill base to pull from when applying for jobs or creating my own work

initially i didnt think i would like 3D modelling enough to dedicate a whole year to learning it but all in all, the one 3D module i had the past year did enough to pull me in. its hard but not so hard that i think i could never do it or anything
so off to another year it is

i also have a couple people from past year joining in the follow up year which is really nice to have some familiar faces starting off but im very interested to see what the new group of people will be like

oh and i also got a new tattoo two days ago, its like super epic. watch

top one is old, bottom one is fresh

artist is yara.noe on instagram